Isn't it funny - I don't believe in horoscopes but lately they could have been designed exactly for me!
Today's for example ....
Don't discount your excellent resourcefulness, Gemini. If you haven't got everything you need or all of the information required, take some time to think. Who do you know? What resources can you access? Who might know where you can find what you need? Rather than panic because the pieces aren't all there yet, make a list of contacts and go for it. Trust in yourself.
I am learning to trust myself and more to believe in myself. I am working on something that I will share in a couple of weeks if all goes well .. and it will. I believe in myself remember!! Now this has me thinking .... who do I know lol
and a couple of days ago ...
This is a great day to start new enterprises with others, Gemini. Gatherings with friends or group activities could lead to ideas for new projects that fire your energy and enthusiasm. New immediate and long-term goals should be set. Some people may not be interested and could drop out, but don't worry. Others who share your interests will quickly step in to take their places.
hmmm ...Enthusiasm present! ... energy? .... yep! Goals set!! ... as I said ... in a couple of weeks!
and ...
A social event could take place today involving a number of friends you may not have seen for a long time, Gemini. You'll feel good about catching up and meeting exciting new people, too. Interesting information could come your way.
oooh good! should I be booking a trip to England then?
and finally this week ...
Some fascinating new information, possibly spiritual or metaphysical, could come today from periodicals, TV, or the Internet. This could set you on a new course of study, Gemini. Your insights and revelations could prove valuable in increasing your understanding of what you read.
No idea what this is about, but ... I don't really believe in horoscopes ... I am just saying :)
I cannot believe my son is 26 today!! Happy Birthday Ian!
Ian has grown into such a delightful young man (and yes, that ia a proud mother talking, but he has!) He has such a lot to deal with through his life, aside from the illness and death of his father, he has himself, had very significant health issues. What I admire is how he overcame them. Many people would have let it beat them but with a lot of strength and determination, and a little bit of help from us and even less from health professionals, he has it all in control.
I am not saying he doesn't still struggle but it's that that shows the strength. It would be easy, even now, to sit back and say 'life sucks' and let the world take care of him but he is working full time, is doing uni, trains 3 times a week (mostly), plays tennis competition every week and has just volunteered to help out at Camp Quality.
After John died, he was my rock. Despite his own grieving, he took on a roll he felt was needed (and it was) and now (sadly lol) he has withdrawn from that role (when he saw I was ready) and made me stand on my own two feet!! Damn it - there are some things I still hate doing and he won't do it for me!! Mind you, as much as I whinge, he is right, but I would never admit that out loud!! The one thing he will do and will always continue to do, is take my car if there is a problem. No matter how equal womwn become, mechanics will never see it and will treat women as being stupid. Okay - maybe not all mechanics, but the ones I have met!
I am proud of all my boys but today is a day to remember and to smile and to acknowledge just what a wonderful young man Ian has become. John would be so proud of him!
Happy Birthday Ian - I love you - and I will even let you off cooking dinner tonight, even if it is the weekend :D
We talk about 'home' all the time, but it can mean so many different things to different people.
I have lived in Australia now for 23 years but I still talk about New Zealand as home. I think that is a common thing for people who move countries and I guess that the place we grew up in will always hold a special place in our hearts.
When we first moved here (John was Australian), we moved to make a better life for our boys with the understanding that if after 3 or 4 years we (read me here) were not happy, we would go back. It was a huge move, because although I had lived in a couple of other countries, it was always temporary. This however was not!
So as we are still here, I guess you are thinking it all worked out well! The honest answer is we just couldn't afford to go back. I would have moved with a day's warning. For the first 5 years I hated it, I was so homesick and so alone. I knew no-one and John was away 12 hours a day. I had met people, at playgroup and such, but there was all that time in between and with 2 small boys, it was just too hard. And then there was the weather! Australia was hot! I thought I could live the same life here but eventually I learnt - you just didn't go out in the heat and you certainly didn't walk in it!
Recently I have been thinking more about 'home'. When John died several people assumed I would go back to NZ and although the thought did occur to me - briefly -this is home now. This is where my kids are and is everything they know (Ian was 27 months and Brendan 5 weeks old when we moved) and although Ian might say he would like to live in NZ - in reality I can't see it happening. But apart from that - they are getting on with their own lives, as they should.
So why now? Why am I suddenly worrying about where home is? Last night we talked about getting our Austrlian citizenship and while I had always planned to eventually - we were just beginning when John first got sick - any other time I have thought about it I felt sad. Last night it just felt right. It is time!
Now all I have to do is make sure none of us committed a crime in NZ (police checks) although I am pretty sure the boys are safe lol and then pay a lot of money for them to tell me that I can live here (still). I am actually looking forward to it. Next step - to get Lachie his NZ citizenship (he was born here) so we will all be duel citizens!
Isn't it funny how one thing can change a whole day?
Yesterday was one of those days. It started off well - I was not working - it had to be good! Then I heard some news and suddenly what had been a good day was a day filled with memories and sadness.
Someone I know has been waiting for an organ transplant. In the middle of the night they got a call. There was a donor organ available which was a match and they needed to get to the hospital immediately. They were given a surgery time and while I imagine there was alot of trepidation, there was also a lot of joy. This was giving him a chance of life again.
Then, not long before the scheduled time they were told the organ was going to someone else - a child. Don't get me wrong, everyone deserves a chance at life, and especially a child who hasn't even begun their life. What I don't understand is why tell them the transplant is ready to go if there was a possibilty that the organ would go to someone else. At least say, we have a 'possible donor organ' instead of getting their hopes up only to dash them within hours.
Like everyone I was so sad to hear what had happened, especially as I know to a degree what they are and have been going through, but I thought that was it and went on with my day.
But suddenly a few hours later it hit me. All those feelings of when John was first diagnosed with leukaemia came flooding back. The hope that came with each course of chemo, the devastation when we learnt that it was not successful, quickly followed by more hope and a feeling of relief when we heard his sister was an almost perfect match for a bone marrow transplant.
I try not to think too much about that week when he had the last lot of chemo and they basically killed off his immune system, of the way he felt and the pain he had from the ulcers in his mouth and down his throat. Of how alone he must have felt when I was unable to visit because of a simple cold! But yesterday I went through all that again in my mind. I couldn't get the picture of him in ICU out of it, of knowing that his body just couldn't cope with everything that was happening, the picture of watching my son say goodbye to his father, of having to walk away from the man I had spent more than half my life with and know that he was not coming back.
I feel so sad for my friend because the possibilty that she will be going through exactly the same thing has become more real, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. And the more I tried not to think about it the more I did and the more I cried.
But today is another day and although I am crying as I write this, I am much more positive. I have my list of things to do today and a renewed determination to change me and especially my health. The boys have lost one parent through no fault of their own, they don't deserve to do so again because of my stupidity!
So the first thing I am doing today is getting out the Wii Fit again. It is time. Time to take myself in hand and become the person I know I can be.
Oops - back at work and the writing suffers. I have to say this has been the worst week for a long time.
First I was sick on Monday and Tuesday night! Then I work with 5 different nurses over the course of my week - the combinations vary depending on the night, but it works well and we all know what to do and no-one thinks about it. This week 4 of them are off! One is sick, one has a very sick mother, one had had her husband raced to hospital and is not very well and the other is going in the City to Surf walk/run tomorrow. This means I have had a variety of relief staff and boy do I miss my regular girls. The one exception to that is Fi - who does a lot of relief for nights. Thank goodness she was here because I think she saved my sanity! I have 2 more nights left and she is on for both :D:D:D
So .. my writing has suffered but I was browsing and saw this idea and thought - perfect! I don't have to think too much lol so, here is 25 exciting and varied things about me....
I was born in New Zealand
I have lived in 4 countries (NZ, the US, UK and Australia)
I am the youngest of 6 siblings (by 12 years)
I have never met one of my brothers.
I have never had a broken bone - although I tried desperately to break my arm when I was in school.
I always knew I was going to be a nurse and although I was the last accepted into my intake I was 1 of only 2 to finish without having to repeat anything.
I have never ridden a bike (pedal)
I have just got my driver's license (3 years ago)
I kept all my toys and then had 3 boys. My husband kept none of his.
I lived and worked in Texas when I was 22 and I lived and worked in London when I was 23 and 24 where I met my husband - although he was Australian.
I would love to learn to speak French
I have worked at the same place (where I am now) for almost 21 years - all night duty.
I can't whistle
My favourite city is London but the place I would most like to go back to is Paris
The places I most want to visit are the Pyramids, Switzerland, Vancouver and Turkey (and masses of other places including Denmark, Finland, Sweden etc)
My favourite ethnic food is Thai but I also love Chinese, Greek, etc etc
I hate brussel sprouts, celery and peas (and peas hate me back!)
I can resist any food except pavlova but I am a terrible cook.
I love to read - anything and everything and am currently reading 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'
My favourite movie is The Sound of Music but I love most chick flicks except Bridget Jones' Diary!
I watch hardly any TV except NCIS and NCIS LA
I almost never swear - it just isn't me
I love my own company - most of the time
.My best friend lives in the UK and my other best friend lives in NZ - both much too far away!
My favourite place to be - right now is my bed.
I have just finished work and it is time to sleep - I know not wildly exciting - I will edit or add if I think of anything else.
Today I went to Lachie's school. Yes, technically I am sick, but try telling that to a child when there is something special on at school ... especially when it is his last year at that school! So there I was sitting in his class room looking at his work and answering questions about what it was like when I was at school.
The one I liked was 'What things are the same now as when you were at school?' How easy was that! - we both had children!! oh and books. :D Apart from that ... not a lot. Even the older boys who are only 11 and 13 years older than Lachie are amazed at the changes since they were there (apart from several teachers that are still teaching) and we don't mention the canteen when they are around - there are many many changes in the last few years and they are not amused.
Anyway, while I was there I caught up with a couple of mothers I haven't seen for ages and one thing is clear. Twelve is a delighful age - not! Although I have to say it is reassuring to know Lachie is not the only child unlikely to make 13!!
One thing that has always irritated me is when people, but especially parents say 'I just don't know what to do about ....' There is always a solution. No homework getting done because of the TV - turn it off. Issues with computer and internet - get rid of it as a last resort - there is always the library, or password it or restrict it in some way. And before anyone says 'it is easier said than done' - believe me I know. I have had teenage boys before and neither of them were easy, especially when you consider they were also dealing with major health issues which meant that neither of them was able to go to school and so were home-schooled (through the public system).
Ian in particular was sick and everyone, including several doctors, were telling me he was faking it, that he just didn't want to go to school. True! but I knew my child and I knew there was something wrong so with a lot of pererverance we found a doctor willing to look further and by a simple process of elimination found out what was wrong. Unfortunately it was too late for other issues not to have developed but at least we knew what was happening. It would have been very easy to step back and say, 'I don't know what to do - the doctors say he is okay', and ignore the problem but I think that is unfair to your child and not what a parent is all about. And then of course there was Brendan, but that was a whole other issue!
There is always something that can be done. You may not like it, you may not like the answers you are given or like having to do what is needed but there is always a solution somewhere. You just need to find it!
Moving on - I seem to have got a little side-tracked ... how unusual!
Today I found a new site called BlogFrog. It is a group of blogs that form communities. I haven't had much of a chance to look around but it looks good - there is a link >>>> on my page.
There is a 31 day challenge going - it is already half way through but I am joining late. Day 1 is to write an elevator pitch for my blog and asks 'has it made me change the way I think about my blog'. Mine is basically my 'About Me' and the direction of my blog is totally clear in my head. (well for now anyway) I think we are supposed to link it to here but I haven't figured that bit out yet and it is much too late tonight. Tomorrow is another day :)
Feeling of the Day:Relief (Lachie is not the only 'interesting' 12 year old!)
Song of the Day: to be added
Disclaimer: corrections to be made tomorrow - I am tired and cold and to repeat myself - tomorrow is another day!
I cried myself to sleep last night. It’s been a long time since I have done that. Mostly I am okay now. I am in a place where I accept that this is my life and am moving forward. Do I miss still miss John? Every single day. But having said that the ‘missing’ is different to how it was even a year ago.
So what made me so sad that I cried like this? I looked in the mirror! No, I’m not vain … well, no more than the next person. But last night when I looked I saw a tired, old woman and I hated it! I hate getting older and yes, I know 50-something is not old and I also know it comes to all of us, but it is not so much the getting older that I hate, it’s the getting older alone. Of being lonely.
Don’t get me wrong … I love my kids and I have wonderful friends but at night especially, there is just me. The funny thing is John almost invariably watched TV with his eyes closed and often we were not even in the same room, but he was there, in the house, just a few steps away. Now he isn’t.
We had plans, and while most of it would probably never have happened, they were our plans. There was something to look forward too. Now when I look forward, I see more of this … I see me for next 20 plus years being alone, I see myself becoming my mother and the thought terrifies me!
Sometimes when I walk along the street and I see older couples holding hands, I want to go up to them and tell them to treasure the time, that it could be gone before they know it. And yes, I am jealous. I miss having the companionship, having someone with similar memories, with a history in common. Most of my life is now memories that I share with no one – especially now my mother has also gone. I can’t say ‘remember when’, because no-one does. It’s the little things … the things the kids did when they were young, the places we have been and even things like last night watching the All Blacks playing Australia (and whipping them btw), and talking about the games and the people who used to play.
The other thing I find really difficult is Lachie. With the older boys John was there, and while I probably made most of the decisions about the boys, he was there backing me, being my sounding board, grounding me when I got carried away. He was just there. Now I have to trust my own judgment … I could screw up this kid’s life and I am terrified of doing the wrong thing and making the wrong choices. Everyone keeps telling me the other boys are great (and they are :D) and that Lachie will be as well but I still worry, just as I did with the others, but this time I am making those life-changing decisions alone. Of course the boys are there and of course they have their say, especially Ian, but they are looking at it from a brother’s point of view and that is entirely different to a parent.
So … what will I do? Well, I am not going to get younger (damnit!), John is not going to come back, the decisions still have to be made, so I guess I will do what I always do … I will pick myself up, write it all down to stop it going around and around in my head and I will get on with my life. And I will try to stop thinking about the next 20 plus years that I will be spending alone.
On a more positive note … I finally have my internet back. It has been a long few weeks and now I am trying to catch up. My blog has fallen by the wayside a little but I am back … maybe not as well as I would like as I am back on night duty tomorrow night. I will, after the week of nights are done, be able to catch up on the blogs I am following and especially the people who have been kind enough to add me to their list.
But for now, I have jeans to buy. Lachie never wears long pants, winter or summer, but he needs jeans for a school concert. Oops, let me correct that ... he has to have jeans for the school concert and “no, black pants (which are cheaper) are not allowed, it has to be jeans”. The discussion is continuing … he forgets his teacher is a friend of mine who also had the other two boys in 6th grade. He will not be winning this one!
Feeling of the Day:slightly better than last night!
It is 3am and I am at work. Obviously it is not to busy at the moment. I have just spent 3 hours doing paper work and filing and now it's time for a break.
We have been talking as we work and one of the topics of discussion was if we knew we were about to die - what would we choose for our last meal - anything you wanted - no restrictions. It's an interesting thought. One of the girls said vegetables. Seriously? I can think of so many things I would sooner have but then that is all she eats - and I don't mean she eats a lot. I mean it is all she eats!
Apart from that there were many suggestions but when I try to decide what I would have I am not sure. I love chicken, cold pizza, a lovely juicy peach, an orange, chocolate, anything with chili, bread ... so many things. I am not sure I could decide without the pressure of knowing I was actually going to die lol. The one thing I do know for sure that would be there, is pavlova! It is the one thing I cannot resist! and for anyone who doesn't know what a pavlova is... look here!
Talking about food - I have been watching Masterchef. The Aussie version is very different to the UK version and has taken the country by storm! It has become a country-wide phenomenon with people tuning in in their millions and whole families siting down to watch. This week is the final week of the series and it is the highest rating TV show this year except for State of Origin football and nothing is more important than the footy here in Aus. It even has politicians changing a televised debate and not just any debate but one between the 2 main political leaders with a national election coming up in a few weeks! It was scheduled for the same time as the grand final of Masterchef but they realised no-one would be watching them. Interesting question - if no-one is watching politicians talk does it mean they don't exist - we can only hope!
The fascinating thing is just how much this one show has changed Australian eating habits. People who used to eat mainly 'convenience' meals or fast food are now trying all kinds of things they would never have considered before and you hear people discussing menus and recipes in the oddest places. Celebrity chefs have become the new superstars and families are spending more time in the kitchen.
But on the negative side people are getting so involved that some of the contestants are hated and one woman even had death threats (although I have to say I was not sorry to see her eliminated!). As each of the people leave they do an exit interview and there are 2 that struck me as being interesting.
Jonathon was someone who people either hated or loved - he went through 9 elimination tests and won them all until the last one but I like what he had to say right at the end from 1:53 on ... Jonathon's exit interview
Alvin's interview was similar - some people had a problem with him being gay but he cooked the most amazing dishes and I for one was so sad to see him go. I just loved his attitude and what he had to say in this interview from 1:42 on ... Alvin's exit interview
Quote of the Day - from Jonathon -The only thing stopping you ... is you!
Back at work again - night one is over - six more to go. Thank goodness it seems quieter this week than my last one! And talking about nursing ... don't you love the way I just slid into the next thing I wanted to write lol - I found these this morning. It's a nurses version of Murphy's Law and everyone is true and at least half applied to last night! Especially 3, 11, 12 and 13!!
You can please some of the patients all of the time, and all of the patients some of the time, but you just can’t please the family.
Management truly believes you are overpaid. But would never work for what they pay you.
People farthest from your work area are the least needy - and least afraid of pushing the nurse call. Invariably.
The more minor the injury, the more angry that person is for having to wait. While the little old guy with crushing chest pain says, "Oh, it's ok, I've waited this long already..."
You finally get the NG tube down on your difficult patient Xray has just confirmed it is in the correct position you go to give the medication you have just crushed up only to find your patient has pulled it out.
You've just given a patient a meal - pie, roast potatoes and a sponge pudding with custard - when theatres call asking if the patient is ready for their operation.
In a life threatening emergency, the speed of the doctor's response is inversely proportional to the speed of the patient's decline.
That enema you gave four hours ago produces a huge code brown just five minutes before the end of your shift.
You have been working flat out all day without even a coffee break, but the moment you sit down, the supervisor walks around the corner and sees you doing nothing.
It's your first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon.
Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.
You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall.
If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three.
They originally came from RealNurse.net so I can't take the credit but they certainly fit!
And now because I am tired and want to go to bed (especially as my son - who is a brittle diabetic - is sick so I probably won't be getting a lot of sleep today!) - I will finish with this .... I have had two people send this to me in one day. I love it - it's beautiful and true!
Note to self: no matter how cold it is - when cleaning the oven wear short sleeves!!
I have just spent hours cleaning my oven. It's a job I hate and yet another one John used to do for me. I admit I have been putting it off for a very long time but I didn't realise how bad it had got but now - to quote my son - it looks like a new one! Not quite but I love him anyway ;)
About half way through I had another thought - 2nd note to self - pay someone else to clean my oven! I like that idea much much better!
I had a lovely day yesterday - Ian and I went to the Good Food and Wine Show in Sydney. I went last year and really enjoyed it and as he is my chef and the one who enjoys food we made a date to go this year. Let me say, it is much easier getting through crowds when you are following a large 6'4" male - and he carries stuff as well - another absolute bonus. But apart from that it was a nice day - we wandered and tried out different food (and bought several things as well), went to three different shows of celebrity cooks - 2 of which were fabulous - one not quite so good but still very enjoyable and generally had a great day. Its nice to get away with just one child occasionally and spend some quality time and because Ian is working full time, studying at uni and doing tennis comps a couple of times a week, there is not always a lot of time we can do so.
Note to self: go on Friday next year - it is not as busy and no kids!
Ian always used to laugh at John when he complained about school holidays and the trains but there was more than a little bit of John showing when he complained about people not sticking to 'train etiquette'.He had planned on studying both ways on the train - an hour each way - but both ways there were people who dared to talk!! Sheesh - what were they thinking!
Note to self: try to remember how to stop posting my blog on my FB profile before I irritate everyone!
and finally a thought - stolen from a friends FB status (thanks Patty)
One evening a Cherokee elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside people's heads. He said, "My son, the battle is between the 2 wolves that live inside us all. One is Unhappiness. The other is Happiness."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
- Author Unknown
Feeling of the Day: Exhausted - that oven took forever!!
This came to me on Facebook this morning and I thought it might be interesting to bring it over here - I like doing these and then looking back in a few months and see what changes there are .... so here we go ...
1. What time did you get up this morning?
6am
2. Diamonds or pearls?
Neither really - I prefer sapphires :)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Shrek 4
4. What's your favorite TV show?
NCIS and NCIS LA - and Masterchef
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
a banana smoothie
6. What is your middle name?
Anne
7. What food do you dislike?
Peas (and they don't like me either)
8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
Don't have many CD's any more - I use iTunes - but my favourite band right
now is Poets of the Fall
9. What kind of car do you drive?
Hyundai Getz
10. What is your favorite sandwich?
It varies but I always go back to chicken,avocado, tomato and cucumber
11. What characteristic do you despise?
Dishonesty
12. Favorite item of clothing?
Denim skirts - I have 8!
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
the UK or Canada (or Denmark or Finland or Turkey ... pretty much
everywhere - there are so many people I would like to meet!)
14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Be Me
15. Where would you retire?
I have no idea but probably not too far from my kids although there are a
couple of places overseas that appeal
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
I don't remember any as being special - it's really just another day - we
have never done very much
17. Favorite sport to watch?
Rugby Union and sometimes Rugby League, AFL and Soccer
18. When is your birthday?
June 10
19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night - good thing as I work night duty - but I am always up by 6:30am
anyway
20. What is your shoe size?
10
21. Pet
Cat - Tom
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
Nope - nothing exciting going on
23. What did you want to be when you were little?
A nurse
24.What is your favorite candy?
Anything with coconut - a Bounty bar
25.What is your favorite flower?
White daisy, sunflower, rose
26.What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
None especially
29.Do you wish on stars?
No
30. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
A light blue or aqua
31. How is the weather right now?
Sunny but cool - beautiful
32. The first person you spoke to on the phone today
Ian
33. Favorite soft drink?
Diet Pepsi
34. Favorite restaurant?
Anywhere I don't have to cook!
35. Real hair color?
Light Brown
36. What was your favorite toy as a child?
my doll Janet (and I still have her)
37. Summer or winter?
Spring and Autumn! but I do love the beach so if I had to choose - Summer
38. Hugs or kisses?
Both!
39. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Depends (did I mention I am never black or white) but I guess chocolate
40. Coffee or tea?
Neither
41. When was the last time you cried?
Actually it's been a while!! :D:D A couple of weeks maybe!
42. What is under your bed?
Suitcases and more suitcases and stuff I can't get rid of!
43. What did you do last night?
I did some writing! and loved it - I have been trying to get back to it again -
and it is going well!
44. What are you afraid of?
Dying too young (as in before Lachie grows up), being laughed at, snakes
45. Salty or sweet?
Depends lol - but salty I guess
46. How many keys on your key ring?
6
47. How many years at your current job?
21 (omg!)
48. Favorite day of the week?
none really but Monday if I am finishing work (a week off)
49. How many towns have you lived in?
4 (and 4 countries)
50. Do you make friends easily?
Not really but I have a few really good friends
Feeling of the Day:excited ... about writing again
It's amazing just how much I can get done with no internet, BUT despite that I hate not having it. I miss the contact with my friends and I miss seeing what everyone else is doing!
I knew I wasted a lot of time online, but hadn't realised how much. Now with having to pay premium amounts I am being much more discerning about when I use it and tend to just go online twice a day - early morning and late night UK time, but that means I miss people from other time zones!
They (they being the computer people), promise me faithfully (again) that my modem will be back tomorrow. They cannot however, guarantee that it will work and if it doesn't apparently whatever I have is unavailable any more and so they will need to build me one!! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
On a different note - we have a visitor. A fruit bat has taken up residence in one of our trees. We often have them flying over in their hundreds - kind of spooky when you are lying in the pool looking up at them and hoping none fall down lol. Anyway - in the over 20 years we have lived here, this is the first time one has stopped to visit. I was looking out my kitchen window yesterday and wondered what I could see, so I went closer and suddenly a little face popped out from behind the wings. Aww - so cute - as long as it stays up in the tree swaying in the wind. It has been here 2 days now so I wonder if it got left behind, either way it is nice to have it there. I will try and take a photo tomorrow when it is light and assuming it is still there!
Feeling of the Day:Missing my friends!
Song of the Day: stolen from a friends FB page ... thanks gorgeous Ronny ;)
Last night I took my son and a friend to see Shrek 4. While I am not a big fan of Mike Myers he does do a good Shrek, and you have to love Eddie Murphy's Donkey but for me the star is always Puss-in-Boots. There is nothing like a swash-buckling hero, no matter what he looks like, and when he has the voice of Antonio Banderas, who could make even a phone book sound sexy, what more is there to say .... and then there are those eyes!!
And the fact that he may have gained a pound or three does not distact from this - just makes him even more gorgeous.
The theme revolved around Shrek being unhappy with where his life was going and buying a spell off Rumpelstiltskin(which you knew was not going to be good move), the result being he no longer existed and so the whole world took on a different personna.
I have often wondered where I would be if just one thing had changed. If my mother hadn't persuaded me to work in Texas when I was really just enquiring out of curiosity, if a friend and I hadn't decided, almost on a whim, to travel to London for a while to work, if I hadn't met my future husband who was there from Australia also working ... Life is full of 'what-ifs' - interesting isn't it?
Would I change anything? Of course there are many parts I would have preferred not to have had to go through, but then, they are what makes me me. I may not be totally thrilled with who I am, but I am what I am and without my life going the way it did I would not have had 23 and half years with a wonderful man, I would not have my kids, I wouldn't have dealt with anything in the same way. In fact I wouldn't be me. So while Shrek, Donkey, Fiona and Puss-in-Boots managed at the 11th hour to change history back to where it should be, I am happy that my history is what it is. But it is interesting to wonder. You never know I could be ..... :)
… and once again work interferes! For anyone who doesn’t know – I am a nurse –I work 10:30pm – 7am – 7 nights on, 7 off. Tonight is night 6 and it has been a VERY busy week! …and as always by the end of the week the blog tends to go by the wayside as I get more and more tired.
Today I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I was going to write and then I read something a friend ‘borrowed’ from a person whose name apparently is 'Anonymous' lol. Anyway, as I was reading it I was nodding and realised this covers exactly what has happened in my life and suddenly, relationships that I was sad had changed took on a new perspective.
So this is what ‘Anonymous’ said ...
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
This is the part I struggle with - the moving on. I am an emotional person. I don’t do anything half way and I find it difficult to accept that others are not the same. When I find someone with whom I click I want to get to know them more and talk every day. This is me; I am learning slowly not to expect others to be the same. I am learning to accept that some people prefer to take it slowly, to not ‘nag’, to take it more at their pace. And I have to say, it is killing me lol. I am learning to accept that people can come online or on Facebook and not say hello every time. I am very aware that I am emotional and needy and even more so when I am in the middle or end of my working week.
I have always thought that people were just tired with having to deal with me but this has made me re-think a little. I am not saying that I'm not hard work, what I am saying is perhaps part of the change in the relationship was that the reason for that closeness had passed, that it was time for a different phase of the relationship. I am thinking of two people in particular and both of these people played an important part in my recovery after John’s death - in very different ways. I know both of them read this at times – maybe they will recognise themselves and realise how much I appreciate them. I hope so!
In case you haven't worked it out I over think things. Because of my past I have this tendency to assume that all my relationships are going to be short ones, in fact I probably sabotage them before the other person gets a chance to. The theory is that I will get out before I get hurt. Let me add, it doesn't work.
I have recently had this exact discussion with a friend and I have to say I have been told off and been told that this friendship is forever, unless I choose otherwise and you know what? I am beginning to think maybe, just maybe he is right. :) I am certainly working at not letting myself spoil this relationship. I need to stop, and am getting better about, not worrying what other people think but most of these feelings stem from my up-bringing and past history and it will take time. But the most important thing is we are friends and he makes me smile and what is more important than that!
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
I am fortunate to have had several lifetime relationships. I have lived in four different countries so many of my friends and even some family have got lost in all the moves but there are many who have ‘stuck’ and yes I have learnt much from them. The lessons are as many and varied as those relationships … but the ‘friendship is clairvoyant’ struck me.
Have you ever met someone who you just click with, a soul mate I guess but not in the conventionally accepted way? Someone who just ‘gets you’? I am fortunate that I have and she has been the best friend I could possibly imagine while I have been going through the toughest time in my life. It was the ‘clairvoyant’ that made me smile – how many times have we buzzed each other on messenger at exactly the same time or sent virtually the same message at the same time on Facebook, messenger or by text. We think the same on pretty much everything and despite living on opposite sides of the world, or perhaps because if it, we still manage to stay really good friends!
… and now it is time to sleep – one more night to go and then I will be back to real life again and I can catch up a little!!
