Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Is There Cake in Heaven?

If there is, I am sure John is sitting with a big slice of chocolate cake in front of him smiling. 

Smiling because while there might be cake, there will be no diabetes, so there will be no-one (read me) nagging him about his blood sugars, and he will almost certainly go back for a second slice. 

In case you hadn't guessed, today would have been John's birthday. 

This is the first year that I haven't had a little cry .. of course there are no guarantees that it won't happen before I finish writing this, but right now I am smiling, thinking about how lucky I was to have spent almost 27 years with him and to have 3 delightful boys, (well ... most of the time lol) that every day remind me of him in some way.
Lachie remembered yesterday. He is 12 remember and you can't expect a 12 year old to look at anything except from his point of view. So his next comment was .. 'can we go out to dinner for Dad's birthday?' ... ummm no! He thought about it for a minute and then suggested pizza! He is a trier that child. Sadly for him the answer was still no!

Today has finally become just another day. Of course I will always remember it was John's birthday, but it is no longer a day to spend in tears or regrets. I know the other boys have remembered but they will mark it in their own way. We will mention it briefly (or as briefly as Lachie allows it to be) at dinner, but that will be it. How can you regret something that you look back on with fond memories. The only regret is that he left us so young and there is, sadly nothing that we can do about that.

So John, as I am sure you are looking down on us, know that we will always love you and we miss you ... and have another piece of cake. After all it is your birthday, and that is reason enough!

Feeling of the Day: Peaceful (and no - not tears!)

Song of the Day: (John's absolute favourite) Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen


Anonymous said...

Hugs Shirley, for the day that it is - and I think this blog shows just how far you've come on your journey. :) xx

Shirley said...

Thanks Gill - I will take all the hugs I can get :) xx