Wednesday, June 23, 2010

No words ;)

Please give him my phone number if you find him ;)

Feeling the Day: Wishful lol

Song of the Day:   Rod Stewart & Amy Belle- I Don't Want To Talk About It

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Early Dementia? ;)

Why don't I do things as I think of them? I lay in bed this morning after work and in my head worked out exactly what I wanted to say for the next blog. For anyone who doesn't know - I am a nurse and I work nights - 7 on, 7 off. Last night was night one plus I have a sick child. Nothing too bad - a chest infection but he stayed home from school which pretty much meant not a lot of sleep!

Anyway, I had this blog all worked out and now I am sitting here ready to write - do you think I can remember what it was. Not even the subject. It is all a total blank! Sometimes I worry about my memory, it is terrible. Maybe I am heading towards early dementia! Now that is really horrifying for me - more so I think as I work in a nursing home so I see it all the time. But really, I don't think I am, I think its more that I remember the really important things (usually) and there is so much going on in my head (it is, believe me, a pretty scary place!) that those 'thinkings' just get lost! You know that in the middle of the night, when I am working and I don't have time to write it, it will all come back to me. Note to self - carry a notebook - just in case!

So having said pretty much nothing - I guess it is time to go to work! I hope you all have a lovely day/eveniing/night - pick which applies :)

Feeling of the Day: Tired (sick child remember)

Song of the Day: My favourite Keith Urban song (for now) ... Kiss a Girl - Keith Urban


Sunday, June 20, 2010

In Memory ....

The Song of the Day comes first today because it is kind of what I want to talk about. I love this song - it has always been one of my favourites but sadly they have never done it on stage and are not likely to now. But it's not really the song I want to talk about but more the way that watching this video made me feel.

The first thing is nostalgic and then sad. When the band was fairly new, it was a whole different thing, their forum was fun and friendly and I made some lovely friends, many of whom are still friends today. There was more news and contact with the guys and it was much more personal. You could write to them and know that some at least were reading what you wanted to say. You could go to concerts and occassionally get to talk to them and have them recognise you in the front few rows etc etc etc - I miss all that! Now they are much more of an organised machine and becoming much less accessible because of their popularity but also sadly because of a few  over-the-top fans. Fans who stalked some members of the band and did things like try to pull their child out of the stroller for a hug! Hello people - they are 'ours' when they are singing - there is no way we should interfere in their private time! Having said that I know people who have met them out and about and they have been lovely!

We had such fabulous times at the concerts - it wasn't just the guys, it was the people we had met online and then met in real life and the fun and camaraderie that we had. We all felt the same way and generally the  only disagreements were over which Divo was the best - which is a moot point really because it is Sebbie without any doubt! *angelic smile* One of the best times I have had was when I went to London, for other reasons, and got to go to several concerts and spend time touring around with three friends ... three  friends who I knew online but met then for the first time.

But what has made me really sad is that yesterday I heard that someone I met at the last Sydney concert had passed away - she was still young and had sadly had a very aggressive form of cancer. It reminded me yet again to cherish the time we have here and have no regrets for the life we lead. This song from the Sydney concert is dedicated to Joanne's memory ....

Feeling of the Day: Nostalgic


(btw - if you watch 'Live at the Greek' - look hard and you will see me - sadly about 6 times - yes I was there :D )

One Fabulous Day!

I have just had the best day!!! It started off as a normal Saturday .. you know ... yelling at Lachie because once again he was late for tennis! It's not like they change the time each week, but we finally got there which was more luck than anything. The turn into the tennis courts is off a very busy road and it is a sharp turn so you need to slow down quite a bit. I always put my blinker on well in advance and tip my brakes if people still don't get it (advice from my son btw and it works). Today there was nothing behind me for a while which was good - except there was a mother with a stroller and a young child crossing at the entrance to the courts. Now to me it would seem logical to hurry a little if there was a car coming towards them but she, in her wisdom let the toddlers hand go and kept walking so the kid stopped right in the middle of the road leaving me stuck not able to turn in and a huge truck coming up rapidly! I could hear the truck's brakes and was beginning to get just a little worried when the kid finally decided to move and I turned in - probably with a split second to spare!  Phew!!

So after collecting Lachie and doing a little shopping and getting sushi for lunch (yum! there is a new sushi place near us and it is delicious - despite Lachie's gagging noises and 'oooh yuk seaweed!' comments) - it was time to go home.

I had a couple of articles ... okay 7 ... due by the end of next week ... at Suite 101 and I decided today would be a good day to get some done. Lachie was off with a friend, Brendan was at work and Ian was watching football so I went upstairs, opened a word doc and put on some music! It was lovely - Bryan Adams - what a voice!! Later I moved on to Rod Stewart and many others but kept coming back to Adams. Before I knew it, it was dark, Brendan was home and Ian was organising dinner. Five hours had passed and I had absolutely loved it and although it's usually the mother telling the kids to turn the music down, today it was the other way around! I even got dinner delivered to me because apparently I didn't hear them calling to tell me it was ready *angelic smile* - life doesn't get much better than that!

I had been talking to a friend on  messenger - she had left to do something -and I didn't realise that Lachie has opened my laptop and therefore signed me out, so when she came back he talked to her for about 20 minutes before bothering to let me know. Just as well she is tolerant lol and that I know as I only talk to two people on messenger he was okay.

Which brings me to what I had planned to talk about today - unusually I managed to get sidetracked and no smart comments are needed here! :P

Last night I was also talking on messenger to another friend and unbeknown to me the other person's connection dropped out. I have to admit I was a little miffed that there was no good-bye but I forgave that once I knew why lol.

Anyway... while I was lying in bed later that night I started thinking about it and how fragile some connections are. When my friend Gill and I are talking on messenger and one of us loses the internet, we text each other and swear lol but as this can't happen here it made me think. I consider him a special friend and what if something happened and I never knew ... imagine sitting waiting and never knowing for sure! In this case I am sure I would find out through other friends but there would still be that period of not knowing.  Taking it a step further, there are other friends on FB that I would be really sad to lose touch with, several of whom have no connection with any of my other my friends. It made me realise just how fragile some of these relationships really are. Does this make them any less important? Of course not ... most of these people I will never meet, but in some way they have affected my life, some more than others. I have got to know a little about them and they about me and like everything in life it colours the person we become. Which of course leads to the question, would I like to meet them all? Honestly .. probably not, but many of them I would and one day I hope I will.

But it is not only those long distance friendships that can be fragile, even those close physically need nurturing and sometimes circumstances make this difficult or even impossible and sadly it is time to move forward. The question then is, if almost all of your friends are now more acquaintances than friends, what do you do? Where do you go next? Good question ...when I find the answer I will let you know!

Having said that, there are those wonderful friends that time and distance make no difference to. I am fortunate to have a friend like that. We have probably seen each other 10 or 11 times in the last 22 years but when she called the other day for my birthday it was, as usual, as if we had talked only a couple of days before. Now that is very special and doesn't happen often. How lucky am I then to have 2 girl friends like that, sadly neither of whom live in the same country let alone close.

So I guess the moral of this story is to nurture those friendships, both near and far, accept that sometimes we move on and friendships change, be open to new friendships that are not necessarily what you would expect ... and get that mobile phone number - just in case ;)

Feeling of the Day: Relaxed! (and loving it)

Song of the Day: So many to chose from today that I love but it has to be Bryan Adams so ... Everything I do - I do it for you - Bryan Adams


Friday, June 18, 2010

Veering off from the Expected Road

After you've done the best that you can do and you've spent all the passion, courage and effort you have, but things still seem out of reach, then this is the time for you to ask God if what you've tried to achieve is what He wants you to have. Because sometimes we waste our time chasing something that is not meant for us, while we ignore what God has prepared for us....
Closing a chapter in your book of life states that you have grown in certain areas of your life. It shows you that you are ready for some new challenges & new growth. You may experience some pain and memories, but the pain and memories have now turned into wisdom. So now, apply your new growth, new challenges, and wisdom to another chapter of your life and create new memories

One of my FB friends posted this as her status and even though I am probably looking at it differently to her, it struck a chord! (or should that be cord?) Anyway - recently I have come to realise that my life is not going to go back to where it was - I think I had this picture in my head that eventually it would all fit back into place but without John. Realistically this is not possible - the boys and I are all different people and I am not sure that any of us would go back - except of course to have our father and husband back, but the boys have grown and matured, they have moved on. Ian is working and doing uni and yesterday went to apply to work at Camp Quality. I am very proud of him, he is such a lovely young man, and yes, of course I am biased but I have been told over and over by other people. Brendan is at TAFE (technical college) doing IT and has almost finished his diploma (I think) and is looking at going back next semester and specialising and perhaps to uni next year. He is also working part time and is also a very nice young man - less out going and confident than Ian but still gorgeous - and yes - I hear it about him as well! Hey - you have to share these 'proud mother' moments! Lachie is the one who has changed the most - he was 8 when John died and he starts high school next year. He has gone from a little boy to almost a teenager and everything that that implies - but despite the attitude he is a caring, loving child who is becoming more like his dad as he gets older and I am equally as proud of him as I am the other two.

So would we, could we go back? No - so I guess that means it time to step forward into the new life that is waiting. As I have said, over the last few months I have been changing and my 'road' has definitely veered off to one side and now I have stopped fighting it (well, mostly) - I can see it is a good thing. I am looking forward to see what is ahead despite the fact that I will almost certainly fight it at times, and wish I was back 4 years ago - at times, and hate where my life is going - at times. But over all - bring it on! I am ready for something new!

Feeling of the Day: Lazy!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Evaluation Time

Another day! Where does the week go? Thank goodness work is over for another week - even if I did only work 3 days - it felt more like 10 and especially the last night (kept thinking - public holiday pay ... public holiday pay lol). By the end of the night I felt crap! There is no other word to describe it - and apparently I looked as bad. Fiona kept asking me if I was okay and apparently I was almost white! When it came time to go home I knew I just couldn't drive so Fi dropped me home and the boys went and collected my car a bit later. Thank goodness I didn't because by the time I got home I could hardly keep my head up and I don't actually remember much of the trip!

Anyway - as I said - another day today and I feel much better - so much better in fact that I want to get going and do things but I am taking the advice of my 'mummy' (:P) and not over doing it. I have my list and then I will relax! 

So today seemed like a good day to review the organising of my mind ... see My Shirley Valentine Moment
To recap  ... week one was - organise your mind and the steps (and the evaluation) were  ....
  • Get a minimum of 7 hours sleep a night - well ... it kind of happened - around the coughing and the general dying going on but I do plan on making it to bed before midnight every night (and by 10am on my working weeks)
  • Start your day by writing a short 'To Do' list of everything you want to do that day - now this is fabulous! I love this and have been doing it off and on for a while! This is a must-do and I achieve so much more when I do it
  • Limit the amount of television you watch - I actually don't watch much TV anyway - I try not to miss NCIS - both the original and LA, I love Good News Week (an Aussie show that defies description sometimes!)  ... and of course there is Masterchef, but apart from that, although I enjoy a few extra shows, I really don't care too much if I miss them.
  • Schedule a 2 minute break 2-3 times a day just to 'be' - again - something I have always done. I learnt when the older boys were very young that 'me time' was very important.
  • Practice meditation - we have already discussed that!! If my brain would keep quiet, it just might work!
  • Schedule time to exercise - the theory is good - unfortunately the body was not willing - I start today!
  • Schedule more 'me' time - see above
  • Take control of your time - set goals and break them down into daily 'To Do's' - for me the list does this
  • Cut back on the amount of negative imformation and images that enter your mind - the news, advertising, books etc - this is a hard one for me - especially negative self-talk but I am working towards ignoring it and have to say - I am getting better at it - as for the rest - I rarely watch the news (find it too depressing), I only like happy books and chick flicks - so generally I tend to do this anyway.
  • Check in with yourself before you make a decision. Take a deep breath , relax, listen to your inner voice. Don't feel pressure to please other people - another hard one for me - I have always tried to be the  the 'good girl' and all it implies but I am learning to sometimes say no and I did resist going back to work toooo early so it's a start!
  • Pay attention to your dreams - I rarely remember my dreams but I will if I do 
Evaluation: Over all the ideas worked for me, although I will know more this next week as I am off work and will be able to put them in to practise more easily. The one thing I found the most helpful was writing lists. I am the world's worst procrastinator so this helped me a lot and meant I was finished what needed to be done each day and then had some time for me! So moving onto the next week.....

Week Two - Organise Your Schedule:

From the book - 'Each day we are given the gift of time. By choosing to spend it wisely and efficiently, you will reduce stress, spend more time on the things you want to do, feel more fulfilled at the end of the day and enjoy a more balanced life! Things left undone linger at the back of your mind and constantly remembering them steals your energy.' That all sound logical .. so the steps I will be taking this week are ...
  • Buy a daily planner (one for work and home to avoid confusion)
  • Sit down with your family and plan your week/month ahead so you can divide errands, plan meals, divide chores and plan ahead (that should be fun!)
  • Gather all your To Do items from around the house and in your head and create a To Do list in your planner. Make the list as complete as possible
  • Sort your lists into tasks to be done that day (e.g. pay bills), tasks to be done that week (e.g. buy a birthday present), tasks you would like to get one in the future (e.g. have lunch with a friend)
  • Put a small notebook by your bed for those nights you lie awake thinking of things you need to do. Write them down and get some sleep knowing you can add them to the list tomorrow.
  • Be realistic about what you want to accomplish in a day
  • Break down large tasks, e.g orgainsing a garage sale, into do-able portions such as clean out toy room, price items for sale etc
  • Schedule some down time to do something you enjoy - or do nothing!
  • Schedule dates with your spose, children, best friend etc, these things are easy to miss because of your busy-ness

Phew - a bit to do - but like everything, I already do bits and pieces and as always, know I need to do this. Sometimes you just need the push to get you motivated and to keep going! This blog is my motivation. Next week I will be organising my cleaning schedule - that should be fun lol! But for now .. back to today's list ...

Feeling of the Day: Enthusiastic!

Song of the Day: Cover of the Rolling Stone - Dr Hook & the Medicine Show A blast from the past!!! 


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me

Isn't it amazing how one thing can turn around a whole day. Today is my birthday and for many reasons it was a bad day. Surprisingly about the only thing not making me cry was that I was another year older. Lately I have become more and more accepting of my age - still don't like it but getting there!

It was not just one thing that made the day a hard one - it was a series of things, none of which in retrospect, are that bad but all at once it all suddenly seemed overwhelming. I know I have changed alot in the last few months, but occassionally it all creeps up on me and it all seems too much. I am tired of having to cope with everything and I am tired of feeling alone and lonely all the time. Yes I know I have my boys, but it is not the same and they, as is only right, have their own lives to live.

But I have come a long way. A friend said this to me earlier
"You're making great strides, no HUGE strides, so don't you dare think otherwise. The stuff you've done lately, going to seminars and stuff - you should be so proud of yourself - I know I am!" And you know what - she is right! I am making changes, some faster than others and most are for the better but just occassionally I am allowed to be a little self-indulgent. Today was one of those days!

I did get a lovely early present from Lachlan this morning.  I heard him come and stand by the bed but I didn't want to wake up properly so I kept my eyes closed, then he came back, and then again so I gave in. He cuddled into bed with me and watched delightedly when I opened  my gift and pronounced it perfect! And then asked me to make him breakfast! Back to the real world in 10 seconds flat lol except I didn't make it much to his disgust. You would think after many many times of repeating that he is old enough to make his own breakfast he would get it. You would think! Having said that I do make it sometimes, but not today. Today I was staying in bed ... until I remembered I needed to make lunch and organise the money for the walk-a-thon he did yesterday and write a 'sick note' from last week. The note that is still sitting on the table - oh well, there is another day tomorrow!

My other presents from the boys arrived later - they know me well and I have to say that the 6th Season of NCIS was not even opened and watched before I got it was even more impressive lol

So what was the one thing that turned my day around - a gift from a friend. On Facebook there is an app called Arena and as well as playing the game, you can give (and  recieve) giftwalls. They can be cheap or incredibly expensive. I keep saying the value is not what is important but who listens to me :P - I had recieved 2 lovely birthday walls which I loved but this one was special (and expensive but again that really is irrelevant)- the special part was that he did this wall for me knowing it would make me smile and it did! So thank you Kyle for once again making me feel good but more importantly - thank you for being my friend <3

So a new year begins tomorrow and I am well enough to go back to work (great joy) - I would love to have the rest of the week off to get over this properly but some things are just not possible, so tomorrow I will take it easy and rest up and make sure I am well wrapped up at work and go earn some money. I was so born to be a lady of leisure! *wink*

Oh and before I forget I am supposed to evaluating my week of organisation! As most of it has been spent coughing I am putting it off for a few more days until I have time to actually see how it works!

Feeling of the Day: Pick one - I have probably felt it today!

Song of the Day: Happy Birthday to me  - one of my favourite birthday clips from Youtube

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wordless Wednesday!

Life's Changing Directions

Oops - it's been a couple of days! Blame the cold that overnight grew into bronchitis. Nothing like feeling like death walking to stop you writing!  For the last 36 hours or so I have not had the energy or inclination to do anything but sit. But remember back when I wondereed if I really was a Gemini and I said I couldn't just sit. Well, apparently it's true even when I am sick! So I have sat mostly in front of the computer and done a fair bit of internet surfing, in among the sleeping and coughing and generally feeling crap!

So what have I been looking at? Blogs for a start and then onto writing stuff and especially some of my favourite authors. I have learnt so much and what I like is this is information from people who have 'been there and done that'. It's not all up-in-the-air things you should do but actual real advice. The most important one being to write!! Well duh! I know it seems obvious but sometimes it is easy to get cauaght up in the process, the how-tos and whys and forget to actually write!

And I have been doing a lot of thinking - for anyone who knows me, that is always worrying, but you can all relax ... I really haven't come to any momentous decisions. I have just been thinking about where my life is going and the direction I want it to head. I can't remember if I have mentioned this before but if I have - pardon my repetition. A couple of weeks ago I quit one of my jobs. Of course it never felt like a job, in fact I called it my 'fun job'. I was teaching scrap booking and I loved it. I would spend hours every day scrapping and organising and writing classes. I was in my element, and then John got sick and every thing changed. I kept teaching for a while but there was just too much happening so I stopped. About 18 months after he passed away I was asked if I would like to go back to teach one class a month (this was all I could manage with working more than before and family etc). I was thrilled and I LOVED being back teaching but the rest  never quite felt the same. It is true to a degree what they say about never being able to go back ... I found it really hard to be with the people I had loved spending time with a couple of years ago. They had moved on, as had I and I always felt just a little out of it. I also have to confess that much of this was my fault - if I had made more of an effort perhaps it would have been different, but honestly - I just couldn't be bothered. 

Don't get me wrong, I still consider these people great friends. We are just in different places. I had been thinking about quitting teaching for a while and then the other day I found myself hoping the class would be cancelled and suddenly I realised - this was ridiculous. If I wasn't enjoying it - why was I there?

I stilll love to scrap and am currently working on a project at the moment -which I can't show you for a while ... sssshhhhh .... but my life is heading off in another direction and I am very happy with it. All I need to do now is instill more discipline into my writing. This is a start but it will improve .... when I am feeling better  *wink*

I have been thinking about this blog and confess I have 'borrowed' a couple of ideas from when I was browsing - Wordless Wednesday for example - (we are pretending today is Tuesday because that is when I started writing this). Others will come to me as we progress but be on the look out - you just never know what might apprear next :D

Feeling of the Day: Exhausted! - I have just been out to the doctor and it was such hard work ... now I need to just sit!

Song of the Day: One of my Favourites ... Illusion and Dream - Poets of the Fall

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sunday - the Day of Rest!

Sunday - the day of rest! Ha! that is assuming you can rest - or at least breathe enough to rest! Isn't it just typical - I am back at work tomorrow and the cold I have been fighting all week is developing into a full blown chest infection! Not enough to get antibiotics yet but I know me and tomorrow morning there is an excellent chance it will be there. I have decided in advance that if it is I am taking 2 nights off work. I am over killling myself for work when I know I should rest and let's be honest here - it's better finacially for me to have Monday and Tuesday off than to work through until I am too sick and have to have the weekend off and miss out on those penalty rates! But with any luck it won't be an issue - fingers crossed!

Apart from the breathing thing I slept terribly last night - I kept having these horrible dreams. I wish I knew what they meant - but then again, maybe it's better not to know. The most vivid memeory is of a whole lot of 'gang-like' people arriving outside my house as well as beat up two cars. One drove over my lawn and I was furious - until I saw how many people there were and then the other car pulled onto our neighbours lawn and somehow (it was a dream - it doesn't have to be logical) as the car reversed it peeled the iron off the fence between us and they drove off laughing as the others on foot smashed all her windows and house.They were shouting over and over - 'this is payback! That will teach not to mess with us'. (only the word wasn't mess lol). The spooky thing is she does actually work for the court system here so there is a smidgen of truth behind it. The rest of the night I was restless, jumping at every sound and when I was sleeping I kept returning to the same dream - like ground hog day - only not as fun!!

Anyway... I have been reading blogs - just skimming through a few. Its interesting how different they can be. I was kind of looking to see if I should be doing anything different and so far the only thing I have discovered is there is no set way - what ever works for you is good. So I will keep going. I guess it is a bit self-indulgent - I mean who really cares what I think apart from me and a few friends. Then again, writing has always been cathartic for me so why not!

No great thoughts today - but the day is young. I am off to scrapbook and possibly seperate some boys who are arguing. Apparently yesterday's little conflict is not over, but if they throw eggs at my house again - there will be hell to pay. Once - I talk to the parents (which I did), twice - I am going to the police! Should be an interesting day :) I will let you know!

Feeling of the Day: I will get back to you - depends what happens ;)

Song of the Day: Che tesoro che sei - Antonello Venditti  - Thanks Gill - I have no idea what the words are but I just love listening to it - it is soft and gentle and just right for me today!


Saturday, June 5, 2010

A Nothing-Special Kind of Day!

I was just looking around Photobucket for a picture I liked - mostly because I really have nothing of huge interest to say and I thought that might fill a gap! It has been a nice day - nothing exciting. I talked to a couple of my friends online, played a couple of games on FB, did some scrap booking and not much else. A nice lazy day! Sometimes we need a day to wind down and do nothing. Fortunately as I am still feeling a bit under the weather and it was a fairly miserable day it all worked perfectly.

Pretty much the only thing I had to deal with was hurt feelings. Kids can be cruel. One minute they are best mates, the next dire enemies. I have always made it a rule to try not to get mixed up in taking sides too much, despite a natural inclination to think your child is pretty close to perfect (when they are sleeping!) ... and certainly never argue with the parents. Kids being kids, the next day, or at  the latest, the day after they will be best friends again and the parents will still be fighting. So my solution, was to take Lachie away and do some shopping - it was for him so he was okay with it lol. Tomorrow we will see what happens!

He made me laugh this morning. Standing beside me and a very serious voice he said 'You know what? We must be related because we both have colds!' I think he was just testing to see if I was really listening or doing that 'pretend listening' that mothers do so well. When I looked up in amusement - he had the biggest grin on his face - well duh!

Then tonight as we are all feeling poorly - yes Ian is sick as well and Brendan is just beginning to feel a bit unwell - we decided to have an easy dinner. Ian and Lachie had both made toasted cheese on rolls and having decided that sounded good (and easy), I started collecting what I needed. Lachie then explained step-by-step what to do. In exasperation I told him I knew and  he looked at me full of wonder "have you had this before?" he asked. Only several hundred times throughout my life!

What did we do before the kids were born and old enough to tell us what to do? How did I manage my finances and get places on time, and cook and find my way around before Ian, and before Brendan I was able to put together furniture, change lightbulbs and all kinds of stuff, now apparently it is much too difficult. Lachlan on the other hand alternates between thinking I know nothing to thinking I know everything - especially if it is something he should know ... like ... let me think ... homework! He is always irritated when I say - yes I know the answer but his teacher doesn't want to know that I know - she wants to know if you do! Look it up!! I think I am meant to be the shortcut to information. Wrong - welcome to the real world - just wait until you get to high school!

So depite my decrepitness (is there such a word?) I will struggle on, somehow managing to get through the day until my delightful boys are there to tell me what I am doing wrong. Good thing I love them dearly otherwise I would have to sell them!!

Feeling of the Day: stuffed up! I wish this damn cold would go!

Song of the Day: Kiss From a Rose - Seal - I had not heard this before last night and love it - definitely being added to my favs!

..and the reason for this picture - none really - I just love it :D xxx 

Friday, June 4, 2010

One More Step

Anyone want a cold? I am feeling particularly awful because I have been out all day and it is raining. Not the soft gentle rain that everyone loves but that horrible relentless rain that makes everything damp and chills you to the bone.

Not that I can say anything about how I feel. Lachie has had a cold the last few days and I have been saying things like 'it's just a cold' and 'you'll live, you just have to keep going' etc. Hasn't that come back to bite me!! lol

Anyway - I left  home at the crack of dawn this morning ... okay ... it was 8am but I rarely am out that early unless I am on my way home from work. I caught a train into Sydney and then another one across the harbour bridge to Milson's Point and after a short walk arrived at the Sydney Writer's Centre. Right on time. Unfortunately the speaker - Geoff Barlett (author of Comedians in the Mist and others) wasn't - he had been caught in traffic and was running 30 minutes late but he finally arrived and we began learning how to get our books published.

I have to say it was fabulous and made it all seem not so scary despite the statistics that say about 90% of all submissions get binned (not literally) and of that 10% maybe 2 will ever be published! I was very fortunate in that almost everyone else was interested in writing children's books, so he often used mine as an example of what to do and say. Luckily I can write fairly fast so I wrote it all down and plan to use some of it when I finally get to approaching a publisher. OMG! I can't believe I am saying that - just the thought of actually doing it is a little terrifying! Especially after he talked about how IF we get published we would have to promote it, interviews with newspapers, radios and horrifyingly, perhaps television! Time to start the diet again!

He talked a lot about how to present yourself to a publisher - about the 'elevator pitch'. Basically this is the selling of your book in about 15 seconds, so if the totally amazing and unlikely happened and you met Steven Speilberg in an elevator, you could pitch your story and hope he was at the very least intrigued enough to want to know more. This will take some refining but it gives me much more idea of what is expected and hopefully lessens the chances of me being in the 30-40% that get rejected after the first couple of sentences. But then - I am also realistic and know I am not going to present them with my sales pitch and have them come rushing. Of course a girl can always dream! *wink*

The good thing abut today is it has given me a renewed desire to get back to my 'journey' and finish it and then start editing and rewriting. Refining it could take for ever but it has to be done and my trusty editor will, I know, help. *angelic smile*

Sitting on the train going in, I was watching the people, most of whom would have been on their way to work and a story started in my head so as I was just waiting to arrive anyway, I wrote it down. If I get a chance tomorrow I will add it on here - remembering it is just something I did while the train was moving!

Arriving home I was cold and tired and not feeling at all like cooking when my darling son called and asked what was for dinner. When I had no idea he suggested pizza - the reason for his call in the first place - and bought it home with him after work. Now  that is my kind of cooking. lol

Feeling of the Day: hopeful ... maybe, just maybe there may be a  niche somewhere for my book and someone is going to love it and publish it ... finger crossed!

Song of the Day:  'My Baby You' by Mark Anthony ( thank you babe ♥)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Shirley Valentine Moment

'I have allowed myself to live a little life when inside there was so much more and it's all gone unused' - Shirley Valentine

A long time ago I sat down to watch the movie 'Shirley Valentine'. There was a lot of hype about it but I have to admit I went in slightly biased. Being of an age where Shirley Temple was around (although she is much older than me - angelic smile), I was continuously compared to or called that so I admit I am slightly biased against anything with the name Shirley in it. And I was right - I hated the movie. I was bored!

Then not long ago someone mentioned it and I decided to try it again and loved it! Maybe I was in a different place ... I think I identified with her and especially that quote.

I have written elsewhere that I suddenly realised that was what I was doing ... living a little life. Now I am not saying all my life has been lived little, what I am saying is there is so much more that I could and want to do. Over the last few months I am gradually living my life bigger. If only work wouldn't interfere but then ... welcome to the real world!

One of the things I have been doing is getting some organisation into my life. I am the world's worst procrastinator but I am also fabulous at getting things done in a short amount of time (because of the procrastination). Anyway, I found a book that I hope is going to help me. It's called 'Organize Now' by Jennifer Ford Berry and it is 'a week-by-week guide to simplify your space and your life'. It starts by talking about clutter - both phusical and mental clutter - and ways to conquer it. It gives practical, 'real' advice about getting rid of stuff (give away, donate, sell) and helps you get organised.

Now I know a book of advice is only as good as you let it be. It's like the medicine that doesn't work because it is still sitting on the bench top ... so my solution to this is ... visibility. This is a week-by-week guide that lasts almost a year. My plan is to write about the coming week on a Thursday and then evaluate it the next week before moving onto what is to come next. The only 'but' I will add here is that I do work nights and sometimes I am just too tired, so there will be weeks occassionally when it might be Friday - or even Saturday before I write it, but I will get it done! So ...

Week One: Organise Your Mind! (Now there is a scary thought!)
  • Get a minimum of 7 hours sleep a night
  • Start your day by writing a short 'To Do' list of everything you want to do that day
  • Limit the amount of television you watch
  • Schedule a 2 minute break 2-3 times a day just to 'be'
  • Practice meditation
  • Schedule time to exercise
  • Schedule more 'me' time
  • Take control of your time - set goals and break them down into daily 'To Do's'
  • Cut back on the amount of negative imformation and images that enter your mind - the news, advertising, books etc
  • Check in with yourself before you make a decision. Take a deep breath , relax, listen to your inner voice. Don't feel pressure to please other people
  • Pay attention to your dreams
So much to think about and do ... I will get back to you!

Feeling of the Day: Tired - my son is home sick - probably not really needing to be but at 10:30 I am already exhausted - roll on bed time lol

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A New Adventure

This morning was my first day at a creative writer's group at our local community centre. I was a little nervous - what  if these people were fabulous writers. What if they weren't? But I had a fabulous time. I can see that it will be good for my writing and good for me.

The 'leader' Dot comes along each week with a premise ... sometimes a picture, sometimes a thought, sometimes a way to write etc and we have 90 minutes to write and then hear what the others have written.

Today we were given the setting as an overnight train trip with the following characters:
  1. Samantha Crabshaw- mid forties, well dressed, attractive lady.
  2. Jack Abbott - no age specified, handsome with a winning smile.
  3. Elisha Smedley - around thirty, shy, keeps to herself.
and the rest was left up to us. This is my story ....

Squashing his nose flat against the window Jack watched excitedly as the people passed by. He shoved his cap to the back of the head as he watched a lady with three frantically yapping dogs, rush by in her way to catch her train. He giggled as one of the leads wrapped around her ankle, held his breath as she stumbled and sighed a little sadly as she regained her balance and moved out of sight towards her train.

Turning he dropped back in the seat kicking out at the seat in front of him, 'Are we going yet?' he asked impatiently.
'Soon,' his mother smiled down at him indulgently knowing how excited he was to be going on holiday, 'now stop kicking the seat and sit still. It's a long way and you can't be jumping around all the way there.'
Jack opened his mouth to protest when the door to the compartment slid open. 

Standing in the doorway was a woman who looked in her thirties. She was tall and thin, almost too thin and her dark conservative suit looked as though it had been made for someone several pounds heavier. She wore a large floppy hat which partially hid her pale face. Keeping her head down she turned, closed the door and dropped her case on the floor before sitting in a corner seat and pulling a book out of her handbag.

Samantha shrugged her shoulders reflectively... obviously the woman didn't want to talk. It was a shame; it was a long journey and some company would have helped to pass the time. She turned back to the window wishing she had thought to bring herself a book but she had been more concerned making sure she had enough to keep Jack occupied and had never thought about it.

Jack however, was not so circuspect. 
'Hello,' he said cheerfully, 'my name is Jack ... what's yours?'
'Jack! Leave the lady alone!'
'But Mummy, I just wanted .... '
'It's alright,' the stranger smiled at Jack, 'my name is Elisha,' she said.
'Are you going to the beach too?' Do you have children like me? What are their names? ...'
'Jack!' Samantha put her hand firmly on his arm, 'enough!' She had seen Elisha's eyes glaze with tears.

Taking a deep shuddering breath Elisha smiled at the boy, 'I did have a little boy.' she said, 'he would have been about your age.'
'Where is he?' demanded Jack,'What's his name?'
'He died,' Elisha's voice had dropped to a whisper. She starred out the window as she continued talking, more to herself than to Jack, 'he was at the beach. That's where I am going now ... to be with my baby ... he is too little to be by himself ... much too little ... I will be there soon James ... Mummy is coming ....'

She reached out and gently touched Jack's cheek, smiled sadly at Samantha and then picked up her bag and pushed open the door. 
Mummy is coming,' she repeated as the door closed and then she was gone.

Feeling of the day: excited .. excited to be writing again and to find a new group I think I am going to like!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Feeling for the Day ....

Well! ... so much for writing every day - in my defense I have just finished 7 nights (10:30pm - 7am) in a row and as most of them were pretty hard, so I think I can be excused ...well, that's my excuse anyway and I am sticking to it.

People who think that the stories of strange behaviour during a full moon are just a myth should try working in a nursing home for just one night during that time. Or in a hospital, or be an ambo or a police officer. Anyone of them will tell you that for no good reason people are definitely different and a lot strange on those nights! Normally sane people do very odd things and those with dementia or similar can go totally 'off'.

So having got through those nights, this is my first whole day off .. in theory a day to relax, but in practice, for me, it is a day to catch up. To find my house that the whirlwind somehow flew through while I was sleeping. I sometimes wonder if I had girls instead of boys would it be any different but I am guessing probably not. Don't get me wrong ... the boys are great ... and they do all the obvious things, including the washing, cooking etc while I am sleeping but it is the small things. The clothes washed but not put away, the wet towels left in a pile on the floor, the things dropped where ever they might be ... those kind of things. The things that make a house look untidy and horrible if any one comes to the door.

Not that that is an issue at our house. The only people who ever come to our door apart from Lachlan's friends are people trying to sell something ... but that's not the point - I want my house to look lived in but not so lived in that I am embarrassed if someone calls in unexpectedly! I know I shouldn't complain, but ... lol ... there is always a but!

So today I have been cleaning and one half of my house looks good - the other half I will get to when I am done here, but as always when I need to vent, I write and anyone who is reading this get to hear my whinging. (sorry)

Feeling of the day: resentful! For all kinds of reasons .. but mostly because I am feeling invisible.

Reason no 1: Our council in their 'wisdom' and I use the word loosely, have instigated a new rubbish collection. We now have 3 bins - which in theory works well. Some stupid person decided that the food and composting rubbish bin should be a big bin, where as our every-day rubbish is half the size! duh! Do they think we throw away food at the price it is today. Add to that we are supposed to put the food straight into the bin. Yes, they are giving us a year's supply of biodegradable bin liners for our small inside bins but after 6 months we were still waiting - so after finding maggots by the hundreds in my bin (as did all my neighbours) I went out and bought biodegradable bags. Last week I got a letter saying if I didn't stop using plastic bags I would not have the bin collected - as in '3 counts and you are out'. This week they didn't empty my bin and I am a tad irritated, especially as I can't get through to the 'help line'. Oh ... and the year's supply of bin liners, which arrived 2 days ago, is apparently 45! sigh!

Reason no 2: Last week we had our (usually) fabulous handyman/builder come and fix a leaking tap - among other things. All week both the boys and I have been trying to call him and have left numerous messages for him. The leak at the top has stopped but it is now leaking underneath. Yes, I could call a plumber but apart from the cost - he broke it -  he should fix it! ... and the wood that is now warped and replace the 20 rolls of toilet paper I had to throw out!! grrr

Those are just the highlights ..  as well as invisible, I am resentful in both cases ... but a little while ago I suddenly realised I was feeling resentful towards John. He should be here to help me. I am tired of coping with everything alone and while I know it can't be helped, he obviously didn't mean to die, the resentment is still there as well as the anger and the tears! I hate that! It has been so long since I felt this bitterness and I don't like it but having vented and hopefully got it out of my system, I will go back to cleaning and keep trying to get hold of the people who are ignoring me and if nothing else... tomorrow is another day!!